I have no self-restraint.
I guess my novel is about an autistic person. Or someone in a very hot room.
~DreamingOfNothing
Uncertainty
I’m trying to work on HTIWB,E,A, and I’m running into a problem.
I’ve figured out what to do with Sirius that does not involve my original version because, as previously stated, I can’t write abuse!fic anymore. I just can’t. Not for Sirius, anyway. So it’s going to go a different way.
But now I’m having a problem with how to handle Remus, who’s understandably screwed up, and I can’t do it. None of my words sound right, and maybe that’s because I’ve learned over the last year that there actually are people who are that screwed up and it’s serious. Not that I didn’t take it seriously before, but – it’s different now.
I don’t know what to do. What I wrote before sounds wrong, too, and I just – I don’t know why. The video portion of my mind doesn’t have any problem with it, because these scenes I need keep materializing in the middle of the night in my head, but they can’t translate. And even then I feel like screaming at the actors, like they’re doing it wrong.
And then I wonder if I’m losing it, if this whole writing thing is just another phase like my ASL period or my volcanoes period or my photography period. If my subconscious is getting tired and wants to move on, or whether I’m just crowding it all out of my brain with quarter notes and pliés.
But God, I hope not. Because nothing has ever meant as much to me as writing does. And if Lucifer had writing talent, I’d be signing the contract in a heartbeat.
To echo the words of Melissa on The Next Top Food Network Star last night (I dare you to laugh): We’re not afraid of failure, but suceeding at the wrong thing. I hope that tonight, I’m failing at the right thing.
Also, midnight makes me existential.
~DreamingOfNothing
Julie, Julia and Jodi
I’m working my way through the works of Jodi Picoult now. I feel like the girl in Julie & Julia (which I haven’t seen but I’ve seen the trailer and I want to see it), and it’s slightly surreal, because I’m just drenched in nothing but Jodi and her books. She’s amazing, and I love her writing. It’s like a few summers ago when I was immersed in fanfiction, but better because sorry, fanfic writers of the world, but Jodi Picoult is better than most of you.
And I know I had an idea, and I do, but it’s cooking. The words won’t come out. Maybe Jodi’s brilliance is stopping me and making me feel inadequate, but I hope I come out of this a better writer. Someone earlier this summer told me that I reminded them of Picoult, and I can’t forget it. So that’s why I’m reading her, to try and make my own writing better.
Piano and dance are coming along too. I like the immersion of them, almost like reading, because you can just lose everything in the music. It’s probably not a good thing, but there we are.
Anyway. Just my life being dull, I guess. It’ll be August soon.
Oh and by the way: Will Arnett talks to God.
~DreamingOfNothing
It’s Bigger! It’s Better!
And it’s too much for Mr. Incredible!
Yeah, just probably the best movie ever. Anyway. Just figured out, a year later, what is going to happen in HTIWB,E,A (He Thought It Would Be, Er, Amusing. God, my names last year). To those of you new to the program, it was a fanfiction in the HP ‘verse that I was writing on last April, regarding what might have happened if Remus had chewed Snape up in the Willow thing and I didn’t want to write any more abuse scenes, because my heart’s just not in it anymore, so I figured out what to do and I’m psyched.
(Edit: I’m reading through it now, and God - did I really write this? I mean honestly: She was silenced by James’s angry retort, biting back through the air to sink its sharp teeth into Sirius’s already bleeding conscience. Please tell me the elves wrote that one.)
So await the update. It’s gonna happen this time. Hopefully.
~DreamingOfNothing
What Have You Been Up To?
Oh, me? Just living up to my dream job of being a bitchy hormonal teenager.
Sarcasm? That’s original.
It sucks. I’m not sure if it was fighting with various people (friends, siblings, random online users), having a parent get angry with me for said parent forgetting the time I said, not having eaten all day because of stupid bastards in the kitchen, or just not sleeping enough. Or a combination of all of the above.
Damn. I need to read Girl Next Door. Or maybe Good Omens. Or maybe The Tenth Circle. Or maybe watch some old Next Food Network Star episodes so I can calm down enough for tonight’s. I watch that show faithfully. I know, I know, my membership to the society of teenagers expired before I was born.
But it’s okay, because I can make up for being a freak by bitching. It’s working out beautifully.
I’m going to stop before I say more that I’m going to regret.
~DreamingOfNothing
And His Wife Could Eat No Lean
Thanks for saying that you read about Jani, BA, because it brought to my attention that I have mentioned her in every post ever since I read the LA Times article. Just because she’s haunting me doesn’t mean she has to haunt this blog.
So I’m not going to mention her unless it’s new, or an update or something. Okay?
I spent the weekend working to clean up a building (you should know what this is for, BA). It’s an older building, probably swimming with asbestos, but it’s huge. Which is really, really good for what it’s needed for.
I tell you, though, the previous owners had smashed holes in the walls. In the walls! I mean, you’d think there was a juvenile detention center there before, and there wasn’t. It was pathetic.
But I worked, and I got volunteer hours for school next year, and I lived. There’s something about manual labor, anyway, that I like because I can just think and not feel lazy. Plus then I’m tired and can justify spending two hours reading The Fourth Bear, because I think that Jasper Fforde is a genius. Did I mention him before? Because he is. The Nursery Crime books are fantastic and very whimsical, which I love. Recommended highly, though I can’t seem to get into the Thursday Next mysteries right now. It’s probably because Jack Spratt awaits and I like him so much better.
Anyway. That’s a longer blog than I’ve had for a while, which is good because I feel like I’ve been neglecting lwctpb (look who’s calling the pot black. I like the title better, but that doesn’t mean that it’s more convenient). I’m glad I have to hang out at the mall so much, because then I can converse with my best friend and post more. I miss you, BA. I’m sorry I’ve been so AWOL.
~DreamingOfNothing
BBYA SOS
Apparently YALSA wants to get rid of BBYA. This doesn’t make me happy.
I don’t really have anything to say that Elizabeth Burns hasn’t said, but I figured I’d throw this out there. I mean, because I have such a large reader base. Right.
So. If you care about BBYA. Which I do. Spread the word, people!
No, I haven’t forgotten Jani yet. Her dad has a blog, and I almost wish I hadn’t found it because it makes me so sad. But it definitely throws me back into my studying. Yes, I know it’s summer. I’m a freak, is that news?
~DreamingOfSomething
Katniss RETURNS!
Steph’s giving away a Catching Fire ARC at her blog, and you guys shouldn’t enter it because I want it, but I’m just throwing it out there.
For those of you who don’t know, Catching Fire is the sequel to The Hunger Games by Susan Collins (of Gregor the Overlander fame), which is a fantastic book and you should all read. Because it’s amazing.
The plot, essentially, is about a girl named Katniss who has to participate in The Hunger Games. I’m not giving you any more than that. Read it yourself. I mean it, BA.
Still thinking about Jani. I don’t know that I’ll ever not be thinking about her, to be honest.
~DreamingOfNothing
Blast from the Past
Pandora just played “Just Missed the Train” by Kelly Clarkson just now, which I haven’t heard in years since I adored it and had in on loop while reading HP fanfic. Even though it had nothing to do with it except trains and the song’s not really all that cheery. It’s got a great melody, though, and it makes me want to sing. The melody sounds happy to me.
Now it reminds me of fluffy Marauder fic. *Smile*
It’s these things that make me happy. You can see that I’m still kinda broke up about Jani.
~DreamingOfNothing
Jani has a cat named Emily 54
It makes me want to cry. This is why I’m studying biology and psychology – because somebody needs to get into this child’s head and fight off her monsters. Which are literal to her, and out to get her.
She’s a smart girl, too. Very high IQ, needing constant stimulation – her delusions are named after days of the week and numbers. Schizophrenia is more common among the very intelligent (John Nash, for instance) and I want – I want her to be able to use that intelligence to its full extent. And right now she can’t. And I don’t know if I’ve seen anything more heart-rending.
I sure hope God knows what he’s doing. Because he’s going to have a lot to answer for.
~DreamingOfNothing (WishingForSomething)
